Zoltar’s Revenge: Tom’s First Day (Fiction)

In a reversal of Big, the Tom Hanks classic from the 80s, your adult self is suddenly locked in the body of a 12-year-old kid. How do you survive your first day back in school?


It  happened while he was sleeping.

He woke up, rising lightly from his bed and danced into the bathroom.

It was the mirror that made him aware of the changes in his physiognomy.

He was now his 12-year-old self.

A quick glance at the calendar; the year was 1958.

1958.1958. 1958.

“What the hell?” he yelled out.

The sharp tones of his mother echoed from the kitchen, “No swearing in this house, Tom. You know the rules. And why don’t you watch where you’re going if you don’t  want to stub your foot on the door step.”

He could not understand it. Yesterday, he had lain down to sleep , a fully-grown, slightly disappointed man in his mid-50s.

And today, he was back in his childhood.

What could have transpired? Was it just a dream? Or had he fallen through some time portal?

He did not believe in magic.

“But time portals, surely, that’s scientifically possible. They don’t just occur in fantasy genre movies.

They are part of most sci-fi movies as well.”

“Am I in a movie?” he thought aloud and then quickly dismissed the thought as soon as it occurred to him.

“Be rational. Be real. Think it through.”

But the sound of that dreaded school bus outside the window brought back all the chills and fears he felt for his left-behind school days.

“Oh, no!” The child in him cried—the minor in the adult in a minor’s body.

“School!”

And he looked at the calendar again.

It was the 12th of September, 1958.

It was then he recalled his first day at school.

He never got there.

He dismounted the bus and walked all the way home, hiding out in the backyard until the school bus returned.

This continued for a good month, until the school principal called one day.

That is a tale for another day.

 

English: A 2010 Girardin MB-II school bus belo...

English: A 2010 Girardin MB-II school bus belonging to Boston Public Schools. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

 

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You can’t get drunk unless you’re 25

A road sign attempts to discourage drivers fro...

The Maharashtra State government devised a novel solution for the menace of drunken driving.

Simple, let’s just raise the minimum age for alcohol consumption from 21 to 25. A youngster can purchase beer at the age of 21. Other hard liquors are to be consumed only at 25.

You can get a driving license at 16, marry at 21 but can’t drink until 25.

I guess, the state of Maharashtra won’t have any young drunk drivers any more.

PS: I’m mostly a teetotaller but some laws are truly absurd.

If fake pilots are flying, what are real pilots doing? (Satire)

The shocking news that fake pilots have been flying jumbos and airbuses for SpiceJet and Kingfisher has eviscerated the flying public. There exists widespread outrage.

An intrepid journalist decided to investigate and find out what genuine pilots in Mumbai city are up to , in the absence of jobs (taken up by fake pilots) in the private and public sector.

A few pilots have been discovered practicing their craft on flight simulators; the simulators give them a feeling for the real thing and are less expensive on their pocket-books.

Other licenced pilots have been discovered at Lions Park, Juhu, pretending to fly the concrete airplane.

The aeroplane at Lions Park, Juhu

Yet, other pilots have made it a daily ritual to watch air planes take off and land at Sahar and Santacruz aerodromes.

It has been learnt from reliable sources that the Indian government will be floating tenders for private ‘fake’ airlines who will be allocated ‘fake’ routes.

Details of the tender bids will be advertised in the online journal “Faking News”.

Logo of the Indian news satire website Faking News

Image via Wikipedia

Kindly watch this space for more details.

Disclaimer: The facts in this article are made up but you knew that already, didn’t you?

Quote of the day:
No man ever listened himself out of a job. – Calvin Coolidge

Doggy times for Bolshoi The Boxer

Bulldog

My dog, Bolshoi the Boxer, is not feeling too well.

“Kindly call the veterinarian. I am not at all having a great day. In fact, I am as sick as a dog.” says Bolshoi.

“You are a dog. You cannot be as sick as a cat.” Bolshoi is known to be a hypochondriac.

“But I am really sick. I am feeling listless and my appetite is non-existent.”

“It has been a dog’s age since you’ve really been ill. And the last time you were at the vet’s , it was because you ate my slipper.” I reply.

“Why is that you fail to dog it every time I am unwell? Do you want me to go to the dogs?” Bolshoi is petulant.

“You can’t go to the dogs. The other dogs don’t like your hangdog attitude.” I sarcastically comment.

“Can you blame me? It’s a dog’s life having you as my owner.”

“Bolshoi, every time you tell me you’re sick it turns out to be another shaggy dog story. And you’re not even an English sheepdog.” I recognise that this is going to be a long drawn-out tale.

“You’d better hurry because if it’s something serious I will not have a dog’s chance of surviving.” Bolshoi is now hyper-ventilating or doing a pretty good imitation of it.

“BB, stop dogging my footsteps. Let me see if the vet is available. If that’s what you really want.” I am fed-up.

“I don’t think I can walk to the doctor’s. You will have to carry me.”

“That’s fine. I’ll stop by the vet’s and see if he can do a house visit.”

I make my exit, muttering something about seeing a man about a dog.

Quote of the day:
I have such poor vision I can date anybody. – Garry Shandling

The Boy Who Never Grew Up!

Friends

Image via Wikipedia

Once upon a time there was a boy. He had a lot of friends and a lot of toys.

He never wanted for anything. Life was a breeze. It was full of fun and joy.

Play and school came alike. Parties and games was all he worried about, it was all he thought of.

Then suddenly one day everything changed.

He found that the friends he once had and liked now avoided him.

He found that the toys he had never gave him the kind of joy he used to derive earlier.

The games felt a little jaded; he grew morose.

He could not figure out what had changed.

Why this sudden about turn? What had happened?

Had the world turned topsy-turvy?

Then he heard a voice whisper in his ear:

“No, the world has not changed. Your friends have. They have grown up. They now have their own toys and new friends. They don’t need to play with all your toys anymore. Besides, you were always rude to them and your abrasiveness has not disappeared. You remain a boy; they are now men and women. That is the reality of life; the world doesn’t change, people do, their perspectives do, their lives do.”

And the lad thought “I guess I’m the boy who never grew up!”

PS: Originality of this piece is not guaranteed!

It’s better to be wanted for murder than not to be wanted at all.

Marty Winch

Source: http://quotes4all.net/quote_726.html

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Meter Jam 2 Jams!

Bangkok, Thailand

The second Meter Jam organized on the 12th of October, 2010, did not quite take off in its offline avatar.

The harried office-goers blithely ignored all entreaties to boycott the rude auto and taxi drivers.

Social activism needs to be planned and there seemed to be no plan B.

The commuters seemed to ask the question: “Yes, we know that the rickshaw and taxi pliers are cheats, rude and ill-mannered and have no or little consideration for their customer’s needs. But tell us why should we punish ourselves to punish them? Are we masochistic? Can you provide us some alternative mode of transportation? Do you think that reaching late to work is going to be excused by our superiors when we say we took the bus so that Meter Jam could be a resounding success?”

The only sliver was the Mulund drive which saw a dozen vehicles put into use for car-pooling. Now, that’s a plan!

Social activism that ignores the ground realities will be a dodo!

Lest, you think I am being harsh on the organizers, let me tell you that I have no liking for the rickshaw drivers’ autocratic ways.

I have suffered doctored meters, have been refused several times and have resorted to verbal abuse and complaints to book erring drivers.

But to expect just altruistic motives to win the day is unreal!

India is no utopia!

Quote of the day:
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. – Unknown

Mumbai First For Meter Jam

the bliss dancer at dawn

Image by john curley via Flickr

In this age where dysfunctional behaviour is winked at, it is refreshing to note that the organizers of the Meter Jam campaign have taken another step forward by adding an offline component to their online avatar.

Area volunteers will be created in a bid to create awareness in the general public of commuter rights.

At the same time, Hindustan Times have launched a Facebook fan-page called HT Mumbai First that is dedicated to tracking genuine complaints , which are then forwarded to the traffic police department.

Just two interesting movements FYI!