Category Archives: News

If fake pilots are flying, what are real pilots doing? (Satire)

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The shocking news that fake pilots have been flying jumbos and airbuses for SpiceJet and Kingfisher has eviscerated the flying public. There exists widespread outrage.

An intrepid journalist decided to investigate and find out what genuine pilots in Mumbai city are up to , in the absence of jobs (taken up by fake pilots) in the private and public sector.

A few pilots have been discovered practicing their craft on flight simulators; the simulators give them a feeling for the real thing and are less expensive on their pocket-books.

Other licenced pilots have been discovered at Lions Park, Juhu, pretending to fly the concrete airplane.

The aeroplane at Lions Park, Juhu

Yet, other pilots have made it a daily ritual to watch air planes take off and land at Sahar and Santacruz aerodromes.

It has been learnt from reliable sources that the Indian government will be floating tenders for private ‘fake’ airlines who will be allocated ‘fake’ routes.

Details of the tender bids will be advertised in the online journal “Faking News”.

Logo of the Indian news satire website Faking News

Image via Wikipedia

Kindly watch this space for more details.

Disclaimer: The facts in this article are made up but you knew that already, didn’t you?

Quote of the day:
No man ever listened himself out of a job. – Calvin Coolidge

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Have a complaint? Will complain!

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India

Image via Wikipedia

Ever wondered whom to turn to for those little, niggling, minor complaints or irritants that others tell you are nothing or just to live with it?

After all, that’s life in India. Chalta hai, everything goes!

Well, if you have an internet connection and the time, Complaints India might just be the place for you.

The web-site address is : http://www.complaints-india.com

All you need to do is fill out a form and your grievance will be published on the site.

If you take the trouble to locate the offending party’s e-mail address, your plaint will be forwarded to the (un)concerned party.

If not, the good guys at Complaints India will try and  locate the appropriate address from their database.

The site works on the premise that firms do not want the adverse publicity generated regards  their products and/or services.

Good luck complaining!

Quote of the day:
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. – Bertrand Russell

The smoking Bacchan ‘bahu’: Aishwarya Rai

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Aishwarya Rai at the Cannes film festival

Image via Wikipedia

Aishwarya Rai is smoking!

Literally so!

The Guzaarish posters on BEST buses have drawn the ire of the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS).

The pictures depicting a puffing Rai “send a wrong message to society and should be withdrawn immediately” says Avinash Abhyankar , president of the MNS BEST workers’ union.

If the MNS are railing against any endorsement of smoking in general , then maybe they have a point.

But if they are particularly against women smoking or waging a vendetta against the Bacchan ‘parivar’, then their protestations should not cut any ice with the general public and should be seen as yet another attempt to hog the limelight.

“Smoking is injurious to health and can cause carcinogenic diseases” should be on the agenda of every political party.

Does anybody know what has happened about the ban on smoking in public places? Are there any statistics about the sums collected in fines? Is that law just on paper? Has it ever been enforced?

Just a thought!

LONDON, ENGLAND - JUNE 16: (EDITORS NOTE: Image has been converted to black and white. Colour version available) Aishwarya Rai arrives at the World Premiere of 'Raavan' at the BFI Southbank on June 16, 2010 in London, England. (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

Quote of the day:
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done. – Andy Rooney

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The Censoring of “Big Boss”: Rakhi Sawant, nobody’s sister!

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Censorship in Indian television broadcasting is back and how!

The Information and Broadcasting Ministry has decided to unveil its Puritan ways.

Big Boss IV of Colors fame has been relegated to the 11 pm to 5 am slot.

It seems Rakhi Sawant’s “vulgar language” on her show “Rakhi Ka Insaaf”  too has dissuaded the powers-that-be from considering her as a nice sister who will knot ‘rakhis’ on their heavy hands.

I haven’t actually caught any episodes of either reality shows (not that I had earlier!). Last night’s “Bossy” affair had giant muscle-bound Khali playing bully-boy but wonder of wonders, the bullied weren’t intimidated! In the background, the ‘bleep, bleep’ of censored language conveyed the heated state of the participants.

Throw in a few strangers with giant egos in an artificial pressure-cooker environment ,forced participation and deliberate aggravation ;the producers believed that it would provide mass entertainment.

Come on! Give me and our much-maligned audiences a break! Once the novelty wore out, the participants were soon exposed to be the 15-minutes-of-fame seeking mini-celebrities they were.

Do we really wish to ape the West  in everything we do? Not all American shows translate well and Big Boss—based on Big Brother— is one of them.

The shifting of Big Boss to the wee hours of the night is probably the best thing to happen to Indian television in recent times. Do we really wish to suffer through foul language—bleeped out as it may be— and non-acting on prime time? I think not! Give me fiction any time! Need I harp on this?

You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.

Mahatma Gandhi

Source: http://quotes4all.net/quote_1066.html

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Ten days to results: Mumbai university starts off on the right foot

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University of Mumbai library, India

Image via Wikipedia

Mumbai University have set a record of sorts by declaring the October TY B Com exam results within ten days. This minor miracle was made possible by a change in ‘methodology’; six centralised assessment of papers were set up at South Mumbai. Navi Mumbai and Thane. This had the effect of reducing the travel time of the evaluators who would previously travel to Kalina campus.

Just goes to show that more than technology itself, it is change effected in processes that has more of an impact.

The statutory requirement is that results are to be declared within 45 days of the exams.

This year’s March-April examinations were declared after 89 days ;the university was severely criticised for a lackadaisical attitude towards the students.

The number of CAP centres will be raised to 15 – 20 for next year’s March exam.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.

Albert Einstein

The End Of Sari?

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Portrait of a young woman smiling Portrait of a young woman leaning against a door Model Release: Yes Property Release: NA

Air India intend to phase out the sari as the uniform of choice for their air-hostesses.

The salwar kameez will take its place;  stewardesses retain the option of  skirts and blouses instead.

The reasons given are that salwar kameezes are comfortable to move about in; not to mention easier to don as well.

The sari as a national dress is slowly dying across all spheres of the  Indian woman’s professional life.

It is the salwar kameez or formal tops and trousers that rule the roost. The skirt and blouse has taken a tumble.

Dresses are in a minuscule minority. It is the comfort and cool factor that pre-dominates.

Femininity is out! Androgynies rule!

Air India officials say that a final decision is yet to be taken. The economics of this drastic change have to be worked out.

Interestingly, British Airways, Biman , the Bangladeshi airline and Sri Lankan airlines will not retire this sartorial statement of sub-continental modesty.

Shall we say “So sari! Goodbye, Sari!”

Or label the move the slow death of sari? Or another nail in the coffin of sari?

Hell, we’re leery of sari!

To sari or not to sari is no longer the question , it seems!

Quote of the day:
The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy. – Alfred North Whitehead

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Meter Jam After Effects

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Waiting for a taxi

Image by Ed Yourdon via Flickr

The latest news in the media is that Meter Jam made the state transport department sit up and take notice.

A drive has been launched in certain pockets of the city to ensure that auto and taxi drivers will face punitive charges if they are discovered refusing to ferry passengers for short distances.

This is despite the helpline – set up by the department earlier – meeting with limited or  no success although there were quite a few disgruntled complaints (more than 3000 in 2 months) by members from the traveling public.

Drivers will be educated on how to treat their paying customers.

What can I say except that I hope that progress is continual and drives are not followed by periods of hibernation , and then more drives. Kicks in the butt should not just have you saying ouch but also  propel you forward. Else it’s just an ouch , a band-aid and back to business as usual!

Have a great Independence Day!

Quote of the day:
I have often depended on the blindness of strangers. – Adrienne E. Gusoff
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