How personnel perceive the employee evaluation (Humour)

Guide to Performance Appraisal

Performance Factors

Excellent (1 out of 15)

Very Good (3 out of 15)

Good (8 out of 15)

Fair (2 out of 15)

Unsatisfactory (1 out of 15)

Far Exceeds Job Requirements

Exceeds Job Requirements

Meets Job Requirements

Needs some improvement

Does not meet minimum standards

Quality

Leaps tall buildings with a single bound

Must take running start to leap over tall building

Can only leap over a short building or medium one without spires

Crashes into building

Cannot recognize buildings

Timeliness

Is faster than a speeding bullet

Is as fast as a speeding bullet

Not quite as fast as a speeding bullet

Would you believe a slow bullet?

Wounds himself with the bullet

Initiative

Is stronger than a locomotive

Is stronger than a bull elephant

Is stronger than a bull

Shoots the bull

Smells like a bull

Adaptability

Walks on water consistently

Walks on water in emergencies

Washes with water

Drinks water

Passes water in emergencies

Communications

Talks with God

Talks with angels

Talks to himself

Argues with himself

Loses the argument with himself

Source: Project Management: A Systems Approach to Planning, Scheduling and Controlling by Harold R Kerzner (11th Edition). 

Project Management: Humorous laws

English: Project development stages

English: Project development stages (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Humorous laws pertaining to Project Management:

  • Abbott’s Admonitions
    1. If you have to ask, you’re not entitled to know.
    2. If you don’t like the answer, you shouldn’t have asked the question.
  • Acheson’s Rule of the Bureaucracy: A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
  • Anderson’s Law: I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become even more complicated.
  • Benchley’s Law: Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he or she is supposed to be doing at that moment.
  • Bok’s Law: If you think education is expensive—try ignorance.
  • Boling’s Postulate: If you’re feeling good, don’t worry. You’ll get over it.
  • Brook’s First Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
  • Brook’s Second Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
  • Brown’s Law of Business Success: Our customer’s paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss.
  • Chisholm’s Second Law: When things are going well, something will go wrong.
    • Corollaries:
      1. When things just can’t get any worse, they will.
      2. Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
  • Cohn’s Law: The more time you spend reporting what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.
  • Connoly’s Law of Cost Control: The price of any product produced for a government agency will not be less than the square of the initial fixed-price contract.
  • Cookeon’s Law: In any decisive situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
  • Mr. Cooper’s Law: If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without it.
  • Cornuelle’s Law: Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
  • Courtois’ Rule: If people listened to themselves more often, they’d talk less.
  • First Law of Debate: Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
  • Donsen’s Law: The specialist learns more and more about less and less until, finally, he knows everything about nothing; whereas the generalist learns less and less about more and more until, finally, he knows nothing about everything.
  • Douglas’ Law of Practical Aeronautics: When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.
  • Dude’s Law of Duality: Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
  • Economists’ Laws
    1. What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.
    2. If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will go wrong, it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.
  • Old Engineer’s Law: The larger the project or job, the less time there is to do it.
  • Non-reciprocal Laws of Expectations
    1. Negative expectations yield negative results.
    2. Positive expectations yield negative results.
  • Fyffe’s Axiom: The problem-solving process will always break down at the point at which it is possible to determine who caused the problem.
  • Golub’s Laws of Computerdom
    1. Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.
    2.  A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.
    3. The effort to correct course increases geometrically with time.
    4. Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
  • Gresham’s Law: Trivial matters are handled promptly; important matters are never resolved.
  • Hoare’s Law of Large Programs: Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
  • Issawi’s Law of Cynics: Cynics are right nine times out of ten; what undoes them is their belief that they are right ten times out of ten.
  • Johnson’s First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.
  • Malek’s Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • Patton’s Law: A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
  • Peter’s Prognosis: Spend sufficient time in confirming the need and the need will disappear.
  • Law of Political Erosion: Once the erosion of power begins, it has a momentum all its own.
  • Pudder’s Law: Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse.
  • Putt’s Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people—those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand.
  • Truman’s Law: If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
  • Von Braun’s Law of Gravity: We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.

Source: Project Management: A Systems Approach to Planning, Scheduling and Controlling by Harold R Kerzner (11th Edition).

Twenty project management proverbs

Twenty project management proverbs:

  1. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
  2. The same work under the same conditions will be estimated differently by ten different estimators or by one estimator at ten different times.
  3. The most valuable and least used word in a project manager’s vocabulary is “NO.”
  4. You can con a sucker into committing to an unreasonable deadline, but you can’t bully him into meeting it.
  5. The more ridiculous a deadline, the more it costs to try and meet it.
  6. The more desperate the situation, the more optimistic the situatee.
  7.  Too few people on a project can’t solve the problems—too many create more problems than they solve.
  8. You can freeze the user’s specs but he won’t stop expecting.
  9. Frozen specs and the abominable snowman are alike: They are both myths, and they both melt when sufficient heat is applied.
  10. The conditions attached to a promise are forgotten, and the promise is remembered.
  11. What you don’t know hurts you.
  12. A user will tell you anything you ask about—nothing more.
  13. Of several possible interpretations of a communication, the least convenient one is the only correct one.
  14. What is not on paper has not been said.
  15. No major project is ever installed on time, within budget, with the same staff that started it.
  16. Projects progress quickly until they become 90 percent complete; then they remain at 90 percent forever.
  17. If project content is allowed to change freely, the rate of change will exceed the rate of progress.
  18. No major system is ever completely debugged; attempts to debug a system inevitably introduce new bugs that are even harder to find.
  19. Project teams detest progress reporting because it vividly demonstrates their lack of progress.
  20. Parkinson and Murphy are alive and well—in your project.

Source: Project Management: A Systems Approach to Planning, Scheduling and Controlling by Harold R Kerzner (11th Edition).

Project Evaluation: Making Investments Succeed

Accountability. Yes, we’d all like to know who’s accountable.

But that’s a funny word, isn’t it?

After all, isn’t responsibility the same thing?

Or as some smart ass wisely put it, ‘accountability is what’s left when you subtract responsibility’.

(That smart ass is Pasi Sahlberg, director of the Finnish Ministry of Education’s Center for International Mobility and author of the book Finnish Lessons: What Can the World Learn from Educational Change in Finland?) Continue reading

Mentoring

Sir Salman Rushdie

Sir Salman Rushdie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If mentors and mentees are too similar, there may be little value for mentees in terms of knowledge,awareness or capability due to the lack of ‘stretch’ in the relationship.

If mentors and mentees are too far apart,then there is a risk of scheme breakdown due to a lack of empathy, credibility and motivation in both directions.

Both mentor and mentee gain more from the relationship if the  mentee takes the initiative and if he or she expects developmental (as against directive) behaviours from the mentor.

The more passive the mentee and the more directive the mentor, the less successful the relationship.

Salman Rushdie writes:

Those who do not have the power of the story that dominates their lives—power to retell it, rethink it,deconstruct it,joke about it, and change it as times change—truly are powerless because they cannot think new thoughts.

Mentoring can help us explore our story, think new thoughts and realize a new future. Mentoring gives us an opportunity not to be condemned to repeat our pasts.

Mentoring is essentially a voluntary activity.

Mentoring is for the mentee.Attempts to impose agendas on the mentee result in manipulation and social engineering.

Mentors should reflect on their own ethical approach. References can be both external (e.g. a professional body) and internal (own values, situational ).

(Excerpted from Mentoring in Action—A Practical Guide (2nd Edition) [Chapter 1: The Mentoring Framework] by D Megginson,D Clutterbuck, B Garvey,P Stokes and R Garrett-Harris.)

 

Web-services, SOA, BPM & Cloud Computing – XI

Business Process Reengineering Cycle

Image via Wikipedia

The term Business Process Management (BPM) has been buzzing around for quite a while.

What exactly is BPM?

Is it solely about technology?

Or is it more than that?

Yes, BPM is in vogue because the technology to model processes, simulate them, improve them, and maybe even improvise is available in a huge way.

Continue reading

Two questions

If you’re thinking of building an internet business, you should take a hard look at the following two questions:

If you build it, will they come and keep coming back?

If you don’t, will someone else?

The rest will follow from that.

Have a great day!

Project Management Quotes

Project Management Phases

Project Management Phases (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The bitterness of poor quality lasts long after the sweetness of making a date is forgotten.

Whilst you can practice good PM without EVM, you cannot practice EVM effectively without PM. (Steve Crowther)

There is such a thing as an unrealistic timescale

Continue reading

Things To Remember About Earned Value Methodology – II

Wbs

Image via Wikipedia

In my last installment, I introduced EVM as a method of tracking the progress of a project.

I introduced a few terms namely:

PV/BCWS , EV/BCWP -,AC/ACWP, CV , SV , CPI ,  and SPI.

Now, before using EVM , you first need to put in place a structure so that Earned Value Methodology can be used.

This is relatively simple if you are familiar with breaking down your project into products and/or work packages, work packages that can be broken down into its component parts.

This procedure is called creating a Work Breakdown Structure (WBS). You then make a list of the activities that produce the products and sub-products. This post will not go into the details of creating a WBS. That can be the subject of another post.

Quote of the day:
If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough – Mario Andretti

Measurements

Famous sayings and truths about measurements:

‘If you don’t measure it, you can’t manage it’

‘If you don’t measure it, you can’t improve it’

‘If you don’t measure it, you probably don’t care’

‘If you can’t influence it, then don’t measure it’

Source: Service Delivery: OGC Publications