The ‘New Americans’

May 30, 2011 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

There are some who would like to believe that in the new age of a power shift from the Western nations to the East namely India and China, India can claim the mantle of being the ‘new America’.

Though that’s very much in the realm of possibility, being the ‘new America’ is not driving on the right-hand side of the road. Besides the US of A, 162 other countries drive on that side of the road. None of them claim to be the ‘new America’ solely on that basis. In fact, the majority of the world drives on the right. It is the minority (76) including the UK and India that prefer the left-hand drive—a colonial hangover.

Kindly clean up your doggie-poo when walking your dog. ‘Civil Americans’ are not allowed to do that. They are fined.

Copying Hollywood movie plots in Bollywood, Mollywood and Tollywood does not qualify either.

If fake pilots are flying, what are real pilots doing? (Satire)

March 22, 2011 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

Image via Wikipedia: A flight simulator

The shocking news that fake pilots have been flying jumbos and airbuses for SpiceJet and Kingfisher has eviscerated the flying public. There exists widespread outrage.

An intrepid journalist decided to investigate and find out what genuine pilots in Mumbai city are up to , in the absence of jobs (taken up by fake pilots) in the private and public sector.

A few pilots have been discovered practicing their craft on flight simulators; the simulators give them a feeling for the real thing and are less expensive on their pocket-books.

Other licenced pilots have been discovered at Lions Park, Juhu, pretending to fly the concrete airplane.

Yet, other pilots have made it a daily ritual to watch air planes take off and land at Sahar and Santacruz aerodromes.

It has been learnt from reliable sources that the Indian government will be floating tenders for private ‘fake’ airlines who will be allocated ‘fake’ routes.

Details of the tender bids will be advertised in the online journal “Faking News”.

Image via Wikipedia

Kindly watch this space for more details.

Disclaimer: The facts in this article are made up but you knew that already, didn’t you?

Quote of the day:
No man ever listened himself out of a job. – Calvin Coolidge

Have a complaint? Will complain!

March 16, 2011 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

Image via Wikipedia

Ever wondered whom to turn to for those little, niggling, minor complaints or irritants that others tell you are nothing or just to live with it?

After all, that’s life in India. Chalta hai, everything goes!

Well, if you have an internet connection and the time, Complaints India might just be the place for you.

The web-site address is : http://www.complaints-india.com

All you need to do is fill out a form and your grievance will be published on the site.

If you take the trouble to locate the offending party’s e-mail address, your plaint will be forwarded to the (un)concerned party.

If not, the good guys at Complaints India will try and locate the appropriate address from their database.

The site works on the premise that firms do not want the adverse publicity generated regards their products and/or services.

Good luck complaining!

Quote of the day:
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. – Bertrand Russell

Karunanidhi is about “Issue-Based” politics

March 8, 2011 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

Of Caesar and Caesar’s wife: Not caesareans

February 18, 2011 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

Of Indian diplomats, pat-downs and turbans

December 15, 2010 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

The huge stink raised by the Indian press , the TV channels and the Ministry of External Affairs (MEA) regarding the pat-down of Indian diplomats, Meera Shankar and Hardeep Puri, has not abated.

However, it has me wondering about the many ordinary passengers and travellers of Indian or South Asian descent who are subjected to similar humiliation and who silently and stoically bear it simply because they do not know whom to complain to and how to make their voices heard.

I admit to a stab of vicarious delight that our representatives are unwittingly made aware of the ground realities.

Am I alone in feeling this way?

Quote of the day:
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. – Abraham Maslow

Wikileaks or “Cablegate”: Thoughts in perspective

December 2, 2010 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

The latest Wikileaks or CableGate revelations have left very few parts of the globe untouched.

The sheer volume of the dispatches leaked (made by American diplomats and members of their diplomatic corps) makes comment inevitable and at the same time nigh impossible.

The media storm raised here in India is about how the US has heaped scorn on India’s preparedness for launching a quick assault on Pakistan. The code-named “Cold Start” policy is a non-starter according to the (ugly) American.

I do not wish to comment on what India’s response should be.

What I would like to suggest is that we should be rational ,reasoned and measured in our approach to the stories that have surfaced and will surface over the next few days. If Wikileaks believe that their only motive was transparency, then they have to be disabused of that notion. This attempt of theirs smacks of bravado, fool-hardiness and an attempt to prove their credibility by discrediting their opponents. Yes, for some reason, America-bashing appears to be their favourite pastime. Not that it hasn’t been so everywhere else, but then that’s the kind of knee-jerk reaction Big Brother evokes.

India should not be unaware of this; whether we like it or not, we are a regional Big Brother to our South Asian neighbours. A lovable, cuddly one we would like to believe but to be truthful, there is no such thing in international politics.

Wikileaks can be useful to provoke thought , more significantly thought translated into action. But everything should be taken with a pinch of salt!

We should be aware that cables by their nature are reactionary and informal. They are not reports air-brushed and put before one’s superiors after thorough analysis and fact-checking. They are spur-of-the-moment, coloured,shaped and hued by personalities, quirks and proximity to significant events and persons. It is easy to be overwhelmed by calamity or catastrophe, even personal ones. No person is immune to being human.Would you like your private opinions and thoughts broadcast to members of the general public? How do you think that will make you appear?

Would you rather have the Americans and others (including India) rely on satellites and technology alone for intelligence gathering?

“A diplomat is a person who lies abroad for his country”. This statement makes no mention of lying to one’s nation, does it?

My life is my message.

Mahatma Gandhi

Source: http://quotes4all.net/quote_1181.html

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The smoking Bacchan ‘bahu’: Aishwarya Rai

November 19, 2010 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

Image via Wikipedia

Aishwarya Rai is smoking!

Literally so!

The Guzaarish posters on BEST buses have drawn the ire of the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS).

The pictures depicting a puffing Rai “send a wrong message to society and should be withdrawn immediately” says Avinash Abhyankar , president of the MNS BEST workers’ union.

If the MNS are railing against any endorsement of smoking in general , then maybe they have a point.

But if they are particularly against women smoking or waging a vendetta against the Bacchan ‘parivar’, then their protestations should not cut any ice with the general public and should be seen as yet another attempt to hog the limelight.

“Smoking is injurious to health and can cause carcinogenic diseases” should be on the agenda of every political party.

Does anybody know what has happened about the ban on smoking in public places? Are there any statistics about the sums collected in fines? Is that law just on paper? Has it ever been enforced?

Just a thought!

Quote of the day:
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done. – Andy Rooney

The Censoring of “Big Boss”: Rakhi Sawant, nobody’s sister!

November 18, 2010 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

Censorship in Indian television broadcasting is back and how!

The Information and Broadcasting Ministry has decided to unveil its Puritan ways.

Big Boss IV of Colors fame has been relegated to the 11 pm to 5 am slot.

It seems Rakhi Sawant’s “vulgar language” on her show “Rakhi Ka Insaaf” too has dissuaded the powers-that-be from considering her as a nice sister who will knot ‘rakhis’ on their heavy hands.

I haven’t actually caught any episodes of either reality shows (not that I had earlier!). Last night’s “Bossy” affair had giant muscle-bound Khali playing bully-boy but wonder of wonders, the bullied weren’t intimidated! In the background, the ‘bleep, bleep’ of censored language conveyed the heated state of the participants.

Throw in a few strangers with giant egos in an artificial pressure-cooker environment ,forced participation and deliberate aggravation ;the producers believed that it would provide mass entertainment.

Come on! Give me and our much-maligned audiences a break! Once the novelty wore out, the participants were soon exposed to be the 15-minutes-of-fame seeking mini-celebrities they were.

Do we really wish to ape the West in everything we do? Not all American shows translate well and Big Boss—based on Big Brother— is one of them.

The shifting of Big Boss to the wee hours of the night is probably the best thing to happen to Indian television in recent times. Do we really wish to suffer through foul language—bleeped out as it may be— and non-acting on prime time? I think not! Give me fiction any time! Need I harp on this?

You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.

Mahatma Gandhi

Source: http://quotes4all.net/quote_1066.html

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Ratan Tata’s civil aviation disclosure shocks none!

November 16, 2010 ~ LINUS FERNANDES

Image via Wikipedia

The ‘stunning’ revelation by Ratan Tata that he was asked to give a Rs. 15 crore bribe when he wanted to launch Tata’s own domestic airlines should come as no surprise to the citizens of India. When you bribe the odd traffic policeman and pay a small fee to ensure that you receive your driving license without any glitches, why should you expect probity from the top ministers and officials?

India rank a lowly 87 on the Corruption Perceptions Index published by Transparency International.

So is Ratan Tata’s disclosure really a huge shock?

When does it stop? Where does it stop?