You can’t get drunk unless you’re 25

A road sign attempts to discourage drivers fro...

The Maharashtra State government devised a novel solution for the menace of drunken driving.

Simple, let’s just raise the minimum age for alcohol consumption from 21 to 25. A youngster can purchase beer at the age of 21. Other hard liquors are to be consumed only at 25.

You can get a driving license at 16, marry at 21 but can’t drink until 25.

I guess, the state of Maharashtra won’t have any young drunk drivers any more.

PS: I’m mostly a teetotaller but some laws are truly absurd.

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The ‘New Americans’

There are some who would like to believe that in the new age of a power shift from the Western nations to the East namely India and China, India can claim the mantle of being the ‘new America’.

Though that’s very much in the realm of possibility, being the ‘new America’ is not driving on the right-hand side of the road. Besides the US of A,  162  other countries drive on that side of the road. None of them claim to be the ‘new America’ solely on that basis. In fact, the majority of the world  drives on the right. It is the minority (76) including the UK and India that prefer the left-hand drive—a colonial hangover.

Kindly clean up your doggie-poo when walking your dog. ‘Civil Americans’ are not allowed to do that. They are fined.

Copying Hollywood movie plots in Bollywood, Mollywood and Tollywood does not qualify either.

If fake pilots are flying, what are real pilots doing? (Satire)

The shocking news that fake pilots have been flying jumbos and airbuses for SpiceJet and Kingfisher has eviscerated the flying public. There exists widespread outrage.

An intrepid journalist decided to investigate and find out what genuine pilots in Mumbai city are up to , in the absence of jobs (taken up by fake pilots) in the private and public sector.

A few pilots have been discovered practicing their craft on flight simulators; the simulators give them a feeling for the real thing and are less expensive on their pocket-books.

Other licenced pilots have been discovered at Lions Park, Juhu, pretending to fly the concrete airplane.

The aeroplane at Lions Park, Juhu

Yet, other pilots have made it a daily ritual to watch air planes take off and land at Sahar and Santacruz aerodromes.

It has been learnt from reliable sources that the Indian government will be floating tenders for private ‘fake’ airlines who will be allocated ‘fake’ routes.

Details of the tender bids will be advertised in the online journal “Faking News”.

Logo of the Indian news satire website Faking News

Image via Wikipedia

Kindly watch this space for more details.

Disclaimer: The facts in this article are made up but you knew that already, didn’t you?

Quote of the day:
No man ever listened himself out of a job. – Calvin Coolidge

Bolshoi The Boxer Takes On A Cat (Satire)

512px-Boxer_bringe_crop

My dog, Bolshoi the Boxer walked in through the door, looking all frazzled, scratched,cut and torn.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” I said, pointing to him.

Bolshoi glowered at me but made no reply.

“Cat got your tongue?” I teased.

Bolshoi growled at me and started washing himself in the small tub that serves as a basin.

“Why don’t you let the cat out of the bag and tell me what’s bothering you?”

I am as curious as a cat sometimes.

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Doggy times for Bolshoi The Boxer

Bulldog

My dog, Bolshoi the Boxer, is not feeling too well.

“Kindly call the veterinarian. I am not at all having a great day. In fact, I am as sick as a dog.” says Bolshoi.

“You are a dog. You cannot be as sick as a cat.” Bolshoi is known to be a hypochondriac.

“But I am really sick. I am feeling listless and my appetite is non-existent.”

“It has been a dog’s age since you’ve really been ill. And the last time you were at the vet’s , it was because you ate my slipper.” I reply.

“Why is that you fail to dog it every time I am unwell? Do you want me to go to the dogs?” Bolshoi is petulant.

“You can’t go to the dogs. The other dogs don’t like your hangdog attitude.” I sarcastically comment.

“Can you blame me? It’s a dog’s life having you as my owner.”

“Bolshoi, every time you tell me you’re sick it turns out to be another shaggy dog story. And you’re not even an English sheepdog.” I recognise that this is going to be a long drawn-out tale.

“You’d better hurry because if it’s something serious I will not have a dog’s chance of surviving.” Bolshoi is now hyper-ventilating or doing a pretty good imitation of it.

“BB, stop dogging my footsteps. Let me see if the vet is available. If that’s what you really want.” I am fed-up.

“I don’t think I can walk to the doctor’s. You will have to carry me.”

“That’s fine. I’ll stop by the vet’s and see if he can do a house visit.”

I make my exit, muttering something about seeing a man about a dog.

Quote of the day:
I have such poor vision I can date anybody. – Garry Shandling

The End Of Sari?

Portrait of a young woman smiling Portrait of a young woman leaning against a door Model Release: Yes Property Release: NA

Air India intend to phase out the sari as the uniform of choice for their air-hostesses.

The salwar kameez will take its place;  stewardesses retain the option of  skirts and blouses instead.

The reasons given are that salwar kameezes are comfortable to move about in; not to mention easier to don as well.

The sari as a national dress is slowly dying across all spheres of the  Indian woman’s professional life.

It is the salwar kameez or formal tops and trousers that rule the roost. The skirt and blouse has taken a tumble.

Dresses are in a minuscule minority. It is the comfort and cool factor that pre-dominates.

Femininity is out! Androgynies rule!

Air India officials say that a final decision is yet to be taken. The economics of this drastic change have to be worked out.

Interestingly, British Airways, Biman , the Bangladeshi airline and Sri Lankan airlines will not retire this sartorial statement of sub-continental modesty.

Shall we say “So sari! Goodbye, Sari!”

Or label the move the slow death of sari? Or another nail in the coffin of sari?

Hell, we’re leery of sari!

To sari or not to sari is no longer the question , it seems!

Quote of the day:
The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy. – Alfred North Whitehead

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Nike’s patented laces

Basic shoe-tying knot

Image via Wikipedia

Nike have filed a patent for self-lacing shoes.

The shoe comes with a set of straps that can switch the shoe mode from loosened to tightened and vice versa.

The fastening of the shoe will be propelled by a motor that spools and unspools a wire that fits the shoe.

The motor , in all likelihood, will be powered by an on-board USB battery.

Quote of the day:
I felt like poisoning a monk. – Umberto Eco

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Commercial TV!

My television. My rules.

Image by doegox via Flickr

Sometimes you’ve gotta bat for the other side to know what it feels like!

You’re watching Castle on Star World, and you are thoroughly engrossed but just when the tension is unbearable and you’re wondering what’s going to happen next, the ubiquitous commercial break kicks in. What a pain in the butt!

What do you do during the commercial break?

Read a newspaper?

Surf channels? – only to discover that the television networks are hand-in-glove with each other; they have conspired to inflict paid advertisements on you – the unsuspecting viewer – synchronized to be played out at the same time.

If you happen to be one of those unscrupulous (to the advertisers) techno-geeks (No, I’m not knocking technology or geeks!) and can afford these gizmos, you would either have TIVO so that you can watch your favorite  programs undeterred by the threat of commercial disruptions, or you may have switched to IPTV , where you watch your pre-recorded and time shifted programs when you please , at your leisure and convenience. Of course, you can always have your programs pre-recorded the old-fashioned way on your VCR or DVR. Or if you are the patient type,you can just catch them on YouTube or Lulu, just a bit later.

Quote of the day:
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. – Robert Benchley

I , unfortunately, suffer from none of the above luxuries. And although I have a broadband connection, it is not truly mega-speed. And so, my usual reaction is to find something else to do during those three minutes of inanity simultaneously muting the set;my ears do not wish to endure the cacophony of pretty (petty?) housewives and even prettier (pettier?) models and actors intent on selling me soap,shoes, jewelry  and other FMCGs – they strive to invite, lure and seduce me into becoming part of their anesthetized, antiseptic,sanitized, made-for-TV world.

But then I get to thinking that surely there exist some viewers who prefer these very commercials that I dislike,deride and avoid with such antipathy. And if so, why should they be burdened by the interruption of content meant for mass viewers? Why can there not be a dedicated channel for commercials? A niche channel! I am, of course, not alluding to those annoying,pesky TV shopping networks that have half-hour long infomercials on which every product is touted as the panacea to your undreamed, unfulfilled desires – products that tout convenience and are anything but that. They just happen to be convenient means of relieving your pocket. And not with much finesse, if I dare say! (They prey on your insecurities and work best when you’re down in the dumps!)

MTV's original logo, officially in use from 19...

Image via Wikipedia

How about a channel on the lines of an MTV , a VH1 or even a Channel V, dedicated to commercials and just commercials. Great commercials! Seductive commercials! Top 20 Commercials! Most Wanted Commercials!

Arnold Schwarzenegger speaking at the lighting...

Image via Wikipedia

Maybe a program dedicated to those monstrous Hollywood commercials plugging Japanese and Korean products aired solely on East Asian networks. (The commercials aren’t monstrous; the premiums charged by the stars to endorse those products are! Ask Arnold Schwarzenegger! Just some loose change for pocket-money!)

Middle East Television

Image via Wikipedia

Or those nauseous commercials made for the Middle East market that actors from Bollywood, Mollywood and Tollywood parade in selling, well, almost everything. Just goes to show that you could be idiotic on-screen and earn a lot of moolah – just elsewhere!

 How about some golden oldies added to the mix to indulge nostalgia? Create your own digital commercial contests?

Just picture it – a channel that does not have to bother with programming. Content will be served by the advertisers with no commercial breaks! The commercial is the program. What will advertisers not do for free air time?

In India, music channels – in the local languages – run themselves. Film music is the most popular form of audio/video entertainment. Reality shows are mostly song or dance based or both. Thus content is easily available and advertisers flock to these channels because of the sureness of eyeball capture. Mass media was never more mass!

Can something similar be done with TV commercials?

Is there an idea here somewhere? Or am I just rambling? Ranting? Or just being plain loony? Of course, this might not be such a great idea; all programming is now a long paid commercial – the deft/brazen product placements prove that!

Your thoughts?

Have a great day!

Disclaimer: I have not verified if any such channel exists! Pardon my ignorance!