Head Turners: Non stunners

We often hear strange snippets of conversation as we walk through public spaces. When was the last time you overheard something so interesting, ridiculous, or disturbing you really wanted to know what it was all about?


Head turners, you say,

And my first thought ,

is of some lissom stunners,

Who’d make me snap my neck around.

But you’re a bit more pedestrian,

More interested in nasty conversation,

Something jarring in my ear,

That shouts “Look at me,

I’m the a****** here!”

~Linus Fernandes

Why, Thank You?: Backhanded compliments

What’s the best (or rather, worst) backhanded compliment you’ve ever received? If you can’t think of any — when’s the last time someone paid you a compliment you didn’t actually deserve?

(Thanks, LisaListed, for suggesting this prompt!)


A compliment I didn’t deserve?

Wouldn’t that be flattery?

And a backhanded compliment

Is no compliment at all.

Like honour among thieves.

And being the smartest man in the room,

When you’re the only one in it.

And being praised for being an entertaining writer,

Yet you pretend you don’t understand what I was trying to say.

~Linus Fernandes

Discussion Enders: Final words

We’ve all had exchanges where we came up with the perfect reply — ten minutes too late. Write down one of those, but this time, make sure to sign off with your grand slam (unused) zinger.


A perfect riposte,

A ripping rejoinder,

A tart retort.

Something that’ll make their feet melt

Back into the clay they come from.

That’s what we seek,

Looking to come off better—not bitter.

Enders Island in 2009.

Enders Island in 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Always having the last word and the last laugh.

But are all battles to be won?

Aren’t some words just better off left unsaid?

Isn’t it better to concede a point,

Than never to talk ever again?

End of discussion.

~Linus Fernandes

Opening Lines: Toledo Hangover

What’s the first line of the last song you listened to (on the radio, on your music player, or anywhere else)? Use it as the first sentence of your post.
Warning: The following verses may offend your tummy. Secondly, I have been in too few bars and never been drunk in any. Also, Toledo is in Ohio, a Midwestern state.
 


Line art representation of an Sombrero

Line art representation of an Sombrero (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In a bar in Toledo

 

Was a bartender in a sombrero

 

On a bar stool with a red string

 

I walked on over, I walked in closer,

 

Sat down and asked for a drink.

 

When the drinks finally hit me,

 

I asked for another, “Hit me with plenty.”

 

And the bartender kept serving up the themes.

 

I went crazy with laughter and kept throwing up after,

 


I brought it up all over his apron strings.

 

In the mirror I saw the patrons flinch,

 

I thought I’m so out of place.

 

Until I saw the board above me,

 

“We charge extra to clean up vomit and faeces.”

 

Leaving the bar was like climbing a mountain,

 

I kept wishing I were dead.

 

And all the while I was shaking

 

I turned to the bartender and said.

 

I picked a fine place to be drunk

 

Come twice already and the third’s no charm.

 

I’ve had some bad ones, I’ve had some sad ones,

 

But for now this splitting head won’t heal,

 

I sure picked a fine place to be drunk.

 

The bartender was kind, he sure didn’t mind,

 

He grabbed me by the arm, his shoulder around mine,

 

He said,” There’s a hotel nearby,

 

We’ll get you a room there,

 

Don’t you think we Southerners don’t care.”

 

And so we walked on without talking at all.

 

He was no heavy but he was strong,

 

And he did me no wrong.

 

And as he checked me in into a room with a view,

 

All I could do is doodle doo.

 

I picked a fine place to be drunk

 

Come twice already and the third’s no charm.

 

I’ve had some bad ones, I’ve had some sad ones,

 

But for now this splitting head won’t heal,

 

I sure picked a fine place to be drunk.

 

~Linus Fernandes

 

Pick your potion: What’s your poison?

Captain Picard was into Earl Grey tea; mention the Dude and we think: White Russians. What’s your signature beverage — and how did it achieve that status?

(Thanks, Bea Patricia, for inspiring this prompt!)

 


“What’s your poison?”

Asks the WordPress guy

In all seriousness.

(Cut him some slack, guys!

It’s a job!)

And I answer,

“It’s tea, old chap!

Black tea,

Green tea,

tea with a little milk,

Tea without sugar, jaggery, aspartame, honey, jam or anything sugary.

Coffee—sometimes, occasionally,

Either to purge or just for a change

But more caffeine’s bitter, pal,

and I need a saccharine kick,

To swallow the acidic astringent!

~Linus Fernandes

(PS: I’m not diabetic. I think.)

Breaking the Ice: Prose masquerading as poetry

Poems in Prose

Poems in Prose (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: women in masquerade

English: women in masquerade (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The internet has recently been swept up by the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Is there a cause — social, political, cultural, or other — you passionately believe in? Tell us how you got involved — or why you don’t get involved.


Causes, causes, causes.

The internet is full of causes.

All you need to do,

Is sign up for a signature campaign,

and you’re good—you’ve done your part in saving the world.

Causes, causes, causes.

There are two ways to support a cause.

Open your wallet and shell out,

In the belief that they’d do a better job,

More efficiently anyway.

The other would be to give,

All your time, fervently, passionately,

Hoping that you and your efforts,

Make a difference—a huge one.

Causes, causes, causes.

What could be mine?

I have none that involves me, drives me.

But I can think of one or two that I’d probably support.

Passion comes from what I feel,

From who or what I identify with,

It comes from within.

And until I find one that I’m personally involved with,

One I’d give an arm and a limb to be a part of,

My only cause—I guess, for now— is me.

Yeah…Selfish me…

~Linus Fernandes

Tunnel Vision: Headlamps

English: Tunnel vision South Calder Water exit...

English: Tunnel vision South Calder Water exiting tunnel under A73 dual carriageway between Newmains and Cleland (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You’ve been given the ability to build a magical tunnel that will quickly and secretly connect your home with the location of your choice — anywhere on Earth. Where’s the other end of your tunnel?


Tunnel vision doesn’t sound so good,

But it should be more than enough,

If a tunnel is all you want out of.

But the tunnel needs to end,

And you need a lamp,

To light the way.

A headlamp would be best, my friend.

Where should your tunnel end?

Where else, but at the tunnel end!

~Linus Fernandes.